People in the west have a higher standard of living now than at any time in the past. Even kings in the middle ages did not live in such comfort as we do today, and yet we could also argue that people are more stressed than at any other time in history.
Why is this so? The reason is because of what I call the stress paradox. That is, if we feel stressed at the moment we set goals for ourselves around what we believe we need to get or achieve to reach that stress-free state. But the paradox is that these very goals cause the stress we want to avoid.
How is this? We believe that in achieving the goal we will happier in the future. But since we have not achieved it yet our unconscious mind concludes we are less happy in the present moment, and will stay that way until the goal is achieved. And there you have it – stress is born. The paradox deepens But to further complicate things, goals are a necessary part of living. We need goals to know where we are going and to give us some motivation to get out of bed in the morning. So we can’t live without our goals.
What can be done? The answer lies in redefining our most important goals around personal development rather than external gain. If this is done, then stress will be reduced and often disappear altogether. The reasons are as follows:
Goals don’t cause much stress if you are making progress toward them. And with personal development goals, we are always learning and growing.
Because inner strength is developed through dealing with setbacks in our life, bad things that happen turn out to be favourable conditions to reach our personal development goals. (So negative things in life become valuable)
Because personal development is judged by how you feel about yourself, udgments made by other people and society as a whole do not matter anymore since you do not measure yourself to society but to the “past” you and how you have developed since then.
Where do external goals fit in? We still need external goals for several reasons:
They give us direction and clarity in our life.
They give us “grist for the mill” as we work on our personal development goals
We still need the freedom that money can bring to learn and work on our personal development.
And they are still fun when you achieve them
But because most of us value external goals as more important than personal development goals, we are dooming ourselves to a life of stress whenever we have difficulty in achieving them (which is most of the time).
The irony of the paradox The final irony is that if you are able to change the value of your goals so that personal development comes first, then often your external goals are accomplished faster and with more ease than ever before. And the reasons are as follows:
Instead of using all your mental resources for stress and worry you instead use them on the task at hand to achieve your external goals.
Being stress-free leads to better health, more restful sleep and better emotional health that all assist in getting things done.
Friends and work colleagues pick up on your relaxed state and are more attracted to working with you with more trust, confidence and enthusiasm.
